April 13, 2008
It was soooo nice to hear your voice on the phone the other
night. You remember the nice young man my mom wanted to set me up with? The one she gushed on and on about being the man for
Well, I don't know how he did it but Nick's made my mom a believer again.
He came over last night and we
sat on our the white porch swing, rocking back in forth in the cool mid-April air, and just talked like we used to.
asked me how our baby was doing, telling me that Mama sent him the sonogram pictures. His blue eyes were twinkling again,
just like I remembered, and he confessed to me how excited and yet extremely nervous that in six months, he'd be holding his
own flesh and blood, our creation, in his arms.
We were out there for about four or five hours just talking like we
used to. He told me about being overseas and recording and writing and how he'd had such a terrible time writing anything
without his muse, me. Definitely laid on the charm. But it worked. He had me smiling and laughing as I did him.
said he hasn't slept with anyone else since he mentioned Sophie, the Swedish chick, because he knew she wasn't me and never
could be me. He told me that since he'd returned, he'd sought out therapy for his problems.
Bet you can't guess what
all of this anger and cynicism of his has stemmed from, I write with my pen dripping in sarcasm.
Yup, the demise of
He told me that he blamed himself for so much. I told him that everyone had their part and that it was just
everything coming out at once because no one wanted to break up a good thing by conceding the problems each were having. I
asked him if he'd ever consider reuniting with the guys (I even thought of mentioning Howie) but from the darkened look that
passed over his eyes, I knew he wasn't that over what happened just yet.
He wants us to live together again but I
told him I didn't know just yet. That's when he mentioned marriage counseling. He asked if I'd be interested in it. You know
me and my strong aversion to confiding in anyone that I'm not close to. Nick may be able to be open, yes even he is not as
private as he once was, but it's like pulling teeth with me. He said he knew I had too much pride to disclose my feelings
to a stranger and he even mentioned that he was sorry you weren't around because you were the only one I would tell all my
secrets to, but he thought the only way we'd work things out was if we discussed our issues out in the open with a professional.
I told him I'd think about it.
After that, we spent the night in that chair reminiscing about everything, him and I,
the Boys, my adventures with you and how we always got in trouble, and just any and everything. I told him how much I missed
you and how'd he feel if I ever tried to get in contact with you. He said he knew how much you and I meant to each other,
but he knew me seeing you would mean he'd have to face his past and he'd probably have to face Howie and he wasn't ready for
that just yet.
We talked til the sun rose and wound up walking down to the beach behind Mama's house with a blanket
in tow. We sat together on the cool white sand and watched the sun rise from the bottom of the gulf. It reminded me of when
he and I first started dating and we spent so many days and nights like that. This time, he sat behind me and I sat between
his open legs and while my head rested on his chest, his hands rested welcomingly on my protruding belly.
when we felt it for the first time.
Emma, our baby kicked.
At first, I thought it was a hunger pang so I giggled
and was like, "Nick, did you hear that?" and with wide eyes, he shook his head slowly and said, "No, baby...I felt that. Our
baby kicked." Then it happened again and again and the pure excitement and sheer joy just flew out of mine and Nick's wide
grins and laughter. In this bout of shrieking, I found myself turning around, catching the sides of his freshly sprouting
bearded face and my lips were against his. Then his lips were moving with mine. It was so perfect, sooo perfect and the next
thing I knew, we were back in my mom's house, in my bedroom, undressing each other and falling softly on the bed.
read that our...um...parts were more sensitive during pregnancy but, my GOD. I was so scared Nick would find my big belly
unattractive but I think it was just the opposite for him because he kept kissing my naked belly and protruding belly button
over and over again, telling me and the baby how much he loved us and missed us. The sex was incredible. I mean, even better
so than the first time. This was like our first real time. There were no distractions. Just me and Nick and this overwhelming
love that was being shared between the two of us. We made love over and over that morning and afternoon before collapsing
in our exhaustion, each time better than the next.
It was like something out of a romance novel or a Sandra Bullock
(okay, no...she doesn't have love scenes in her movies but you know what I mean) movie. If we could just stay like this, I'd
never ask God for anything ever again.
How's Howie liking New York? I bet you miss him like crazy. That's so cute
that Laynie is becoming a mini-you and that Little D is becoming quite the preschool womanizer...*laughs* that's so adorable.
Thanks for the new pictures of them and the ones of you and Howie.
There's so much love in your family and I hope to one day have the same with Nick and our little bundle of kicking joy. The
kicking was wonderful at first but this kid is soccer-bound. He's kicking the shit out of me now. I think it's a boy. Nick's
hoping for a girl. I told him that the boy would have to come first to be the older brother and then we'd think of having
a girl. He says it's gonna be a girl because there are more girls in his family but I say it's a boy because I have more guys
in my family. Just as long as it's not a combination of both...yikes.
Wow...I'll bet Club Med was fabulous. Nick doesn't
want me to going to Mexico in my condition now because he's scared I'll drink or eat something that hurts me and/or the baby.
My morning sickness was actually short-lived, speaking of illnesses. I only had to hug the toilet for about two weeks and
I was fine, but GOOD GOD, the cravings I've had. Definitely not the pickles and ice cream thing but just any junk in general.
My mom's still got me eating healthy and walking everyday and those nightly sessions with Nick once a week definitely give
me a workout like you wouldn't believe a pregnant woman could get. ;-)
I will definitely pass on your number to Leighanne
so she can fill you in on all the gossip. I haven't heard from her in a couple of weeks so maybe she can tell you something
I don't know. Just be careful. Brian's worse about us contacting each other than Nick and Howie are.
Yeah, I'm still
playing. I actually wrote a few songs the other day. I haven't done that in YEARS, as you know very well, so they're not up
to par but as soon as they are and I've got some music set, I'll be sending you a CD with them. Nick's excited about me writing
again so he's got me recording songs in the studio he built in our house. He and I sang one he wrote the other night and we
loved it so much, he's thinking of adding it to his album. Gah, call us Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, I guess but you won't catch
us doing no shitty country love ballads. This was more of a Celine Dion/Harry Connick, Jr. "When I Fall in Love" type of song
but better...*laughing*. We actually sang our song to the baby the other night in bed (yes, I stayed at our house) and he/she
stopped kicking and, we guess, went to sleep.
Emma, everything is so perfect now. I don't want it to end this time.
Pray that it doesn't.
Well, call me again soon! It's so funny to hear that southern accent of yours becoming more obvious
again. You only thought you had one when you lived in Texas. Oh yeah, and great save when Howie came in the door during that
phone call...*laugh* Very impressive.
I must be going now. Nick's coming over and we're going out to eat
tonight. I'm starting to get indigestion so I'll be taking it easy. It just sucks because I'm starting to feel that need to
pee every five seconds. Mama says that will be getting worse in the next few months or so. Oh yeah, I'm scheduled to begin
Lamaze classes next month. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. Reminds me of the episode of Saved by the Bell where Mr. Belding's wife
had their baby in the elevator at school...can you believe I even remember that show? We're getting old, girl. Six more months
and I'll be 28 myself. Two years til the big 3-0. Yikes.
Nick's at the door now. I'll talk to you later. Love you and
thanks for always being there for me! You and your family are in my prayers as well. Write back soon.
Your best friend