January 17, 2008
I hope to God you get this letter. How are
you, girl? It's been so damn long. I've wanted to write to you for so long, so long, but so many things have stood in my way.
Nick, for one thing, would have a small cow if he even knew I was trying to get in touch with you. Second of all, I don't
even know if you and Howie still live at the address I'm writing you at. I ran into your mother-in-law today and she, to my
greatest shock, said she hasn't heard from either of you in the last few months. You're okay, right? I always thought Howie
was such a Mama's boy that she'd be at least living next door to ya'll...ha ha.
How is everything going with you and
Howie? You two are probably still the perfect model romance movie couple as you've always been. Wish I could say the same
for Nick and me. We're more like the perfect model marriage couple for a soap opera. I'd like to say that everything is going
well, but that would be like telling you that all of the scenarios on Jerry Springer were real (God, I hope they're not.)
That whole BSB feud just killed our honeymoon. You know how you're supposed to make love on your wedding night?
Try not at all for the two of us.
Here I am, the
girl who dedicated her whole life to abstaining from sex so that she could get it with the man she marries on their wedding
night, and it didn't happen!
Instead, Nick spent the whole time attached to his cell phone, talking to his agent and
the record company and God knows who else, cursing and demanding and plotting his revenge in the version of a solo record.
Like, one of the guys would sit up and be threatened by the fact that only Nick's whining and no one else's singing is going
to be on a CD. I prayed long and hard for the demise of that.
It wasn't until two weeks after we got home that Nick
realized that we were married and there was another person in the house and in his bed. Well, when he was home. He spent most
of the time out writing and recording for his album that he was suddenly feeling rushed to complete. Guess how long it took
for us to finally make love?
Yes, you read right.
Can you believe such bullshit?
almost thought I was going to have to move out with that vibrator you gave me as a gag gift at the shower and marry it...ha
ha. I mean, good grief. But, I'm sure you don't want to know about that.
He stayed gone as soon as it was time for his first single
to be released and it was like he disappeared off the face of the Earth. He didn't call, didn't write, nothing. I had to find
out about him through the Internet and MTV just like everyone else.
It was like I never existed to him. Then suddenly,
he showed up at the door one night with a smile I barely saw anymore when I closed my eyes, and he told me he was home. When
I asked him if it was to stay, he told me only for a few weeks.
Needless to say, the shit hit the fan that night.
well as the rest of the three weeks he was home.
When he left, we'd pretty much decided we'd made a huge mistake in
ever marrying each other.
Once again, God intervened and talked Nick into calling me while he was off touring his new
album. We talked things over and decided to try again. When he came home, our marriage became like a marriage was supposed
to be. We were making love and acting like the couple we'd been the day the two of us got married. I think I even threw the
vibrator away, well except when Nick wanted to be extra-naughty...ha ha...but I'll spare you of that.
The next four
years went back and forth between us. We've been to hell and back so many times, we've got frequent flyer miles to take us
back and forth to the Bahamas, pay for the nicest hotel, and buy us everything we could ever need on such a vacation.
bad no vacations were being planned unless they were separately.
Christmas of the year that just passed, we had another
up time. We got the whole family together and celebrated. New Year's Eve, we were in New York City, celebrating with the rest
of the frigid partygoers in Time Square. Nick had gotten us a suite right above Times Square and we sat on the terrace in
one chair, me in his lap with a blanket covering both of us, and right as the New Year was rung in, we were kissing in the
midst of the flying confetti and the flurrying snow. Most romantic time of our whole marriage, I'd say. Probably of our whole
Here we are, three weeks into the New Year, and Nick is gone again. Everything with him and I comes in
spurts that don't seem to last very long. Once again, he's off doing business with his new album. The other was wildly successful,
as I'm sure you know, so the whole supply and demand issue is rising again.
This time, he said he might be gone for
the next six months or so because he has to go overseas to work on it and then later promote it.
Emma, the one time I really need him and he's gone.
that New Years' night, the most romantic night of our relationship, we made love and well...I went to the doctor today and
since we promised to share it with each other first as we're going to be each other's baby's godmother...
the only one who knows so far.
I am so scared, Emma. I mean, you know me...I've been wanting a kid since I found out
I could have them, but I wanted one in a stable, loving, committed relationship and I just don't feel like things with Nick
are like that. I love Nick to death, you know I do, but things just don't feel mutual anymore. I don't want to leave Nick,
especially with a baby on the way, but the likelihood of divorce is becoming more and more of an issue.
Well, I guess
that about wraps it up from here. I miss you soooooooo much, girl! I really hope you receive this letter because you've always
been the one who knows the exact words to say and who can help me through anything and I could really use some of your sense
of humor right now. It's no fun not having anyone around here to banter back and forth with.
I hope that everything
is going well between you and Howie. Are there any little Howie and Emmas running around yet? I'm using my mother's address
on here, as you can tell, so any letters you write to me, please send them to me there. My mom swears she'll keep our correspondence
a secret as long as we need it to be kept just that. Best wishes to you. Love ya, girl!!
Your best friend (hopefully