Standard Lines
Chapter Five
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve

March 16, 2008


I am sooo sorry for taking so long to reply to your letter. Unfortunately, I've been a mess of emotions for the last month and it hasn't been only when I'm not hugging the toilet. The baby is fine, a good 2 months along, I'm doing okay with my pregnancy, but the rest of my life isn't going so well.

Nick admitted to cheating on me.

I mean, just when you think it couldn't get worse, it does.

He said he met some producer chick over in Sweden and they've been fuck buddies for a while.

I should've known it would happen and he even tried to say it was my fault for being so cold to him while he was home. Geesh, what could cause me to be that way? I guess he thinks I'm supposed to put up with his shit like his mother did with his father.

You know me better than that though.

So, for the last month, we've been separated. As of now, I'm living with my mom and I'm not sure if I'll be getting back with Nick or not. I just can't subject myself to that much pain anymore. Not with a baby on the way.

But like the old adage goes, you don't know what you've got til it's gone. Nick is calling me and writing me like nothing I've ever seen before. He swears he's sorry and that he's not fucking that girl anymore and that he loves me and he needs me and he's ready to raise our child. It's so funny how just a matter of weeks ago Nick was accusing me of getting pregnant by some other guy and saying my main purpose of getting pregnant was to hinder his career and now he wants me back.

I guess he forgot that when I say I'm gonna do something, I mean it. You should've seen the absolute look of horror on his face when I told him I was leaving and possibly for good. It was like someone stabbed him. The sheer look of anguish on his face almost stopped me from acting out on my declaration but I knew it was only for the best.

Now he's back in Sweden, recording and doing God knows what, and calling me every night only to have my mother telling him that there's no chance in hell she's gonna let him talk to me after all the shit he put me through.

I, like you, don't believe in divorce because I know what it does to people and I know what it would do to my unborn child, so I'm giving Nick 6 months to straighten himself up. He just doesn't know it. ;)

Anyway...enough about my seemingly fucked-up life...

Ya'll have snow?! Ahh!!! That is so cool! I want snow! Wow, snow in Greensboro? That's kinda far south for that. You'd think with me being such a huge beach person that I'd love being in Tampa but now it's too friggin' cold to go to the beach. I say, if it's gonna be cold down here, it needs to snow. That'd be a sure sign of hell freezing over, I'd say. That and Nick adjusting his attitude. Ugh! Not gonna talk about him, not going to talk about him.

The women at my mom's church threw me a HUGE baby shower the other day. Baby clothes, a crib, baby monitors, baby books, you name it, I probably got it.

The doctor says I've gained about 10 pounds so far. My jeans are starting to get tight on me. I'm being a good future Mommy though. As much as I would rather lie around and stuff my face right now, I'm eating healthy (at the persistence of nurse Mom) and walking everyday. It's helped a lot with the morning sickness and exhaustion. I can't wait to start shopping for maternity clothes! They've got some REALLY cute stuff now for pregnant women. One downside of pregnancy, I want sex more than I've ever wanted it in my life and according to my mom, it only gets worse the further along you go. Oh gosh! I may have to bring out the vibrator again. I'm scared to do anything with Nick if we were to get back together after his porno adventures with the Swedish skank. Ugh.

That's so sweet about Howie singing "Spanish Eyes" to the kids. My favorite part of that song was always the chorus. I've been singing to my baby lately. Mostly a lot of Norah Jones stuff (my gosh, she is so friggin' talented) and Jewel and most of the chick singers. I toss a little "Comfortable" by John Mayer in there every once in a while. I can't wait to find out what my baby is and to feel it start kicking. As shot to hell the rest of my life is at the present moment, having this life form inside of me that was, at the time, created out of love fills me with such a sense of purpose and such a wonderful sense of pride.

I will definitely hand over your number to Leighanne as soon as you give it to me...*laughs*. How can I give it to her if I don't have it? Mind slipping in your old age there, Em? You know, once you hit 35, it's downhill from there on...*laughing*

Yeah, it's hard to believe about Kev & Kris. From the way he carried on that day at the church, I pretty much knew things as Kristin knew it with Kevin were demolished. Brian and Leighanne will always do well together. As much as we used to tease them about being attached at the hip, they've really proven themselves to be a strong, loving couple despite the gag effect. A.J. and Sarah have proven to me to be a perfect couple. I was still wary when they first began dating because I knew he was just seeking comfort and understanding like he'd had in rehab plus you can't forget the whirlwind romance he had with Amanda. I really thought she was the one for him but I guess I'm allowed to be wrong every now and then...*laughs*

Emma, your children are gorgeous!! I just adore them. Nick saw the picture a few weeks ago in the picture frame and asked me who they were and I nearly jumped out of my skin. I told him that they were the pictures that came with the frame and he didn't say anything. I'm not sure he believes me or not. I guess I was stupid to put the picture in the first drawer of our dresser. He went to get a pair of socks out and found them. Agh. I never learn.

When's that phone call coming, girl? I could use it but only when you have time.

Well, I need to go. It's late and I'm exhausted. I guess the baby is telling me that I need to get some sleep. Hope you took pictures of the snowman and his wife for me. I'm enclosing a sonogram pic of my baby that was taken just the other day. Maybe you can tell me what it is...besides being a baby, of course. I think he or she is shy because he/she was facing away from the "camera". Anyways, talk to you soon. I love ya, girl and hug Howie and the kids for me. I'm sure they won't mind an extra hug. Bye for now. Write back soon.

Your best friend always,