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[The sun has set on a bright, white kitchen with a border of papered
fruit and pleasantry. ALLI is cautiously stirring a pot with a wooden spoon, frowning down into the pasta
while NICK struggles to work with the indoor grill. An air of confusion dances just below the light bulbs
as the two struggle to perfect their nest.]
ALLI
Um, Nick? Are you sure you know how to work that
thing?
NICK
No.
ALLI
Then maybe you should back away a bit before you
start turning knobs with a match in your hand, okay?
NICK
Stir the pasta, Al.
ALLI
[Stirs
the pasta. Al.] Babe, remind me one more time why we have to mess around with the indoor grill?
NICK
[Mumbles
incoherently. His face is red with embarrassment, even though no one is around. He doesn't want his dignity to dissipate...even
in front of the dog. His dog. Their dog.]
ALLI
I'm sorry, hon, what was that?
NICK
I
pulled the knob off the outdoor grill.
ALLI
[Bites her lip so that she cannot smile, so that she
does not have to admit how much his little quirks and childish temper amuse her.] Imagine that...
NICK
How
the hell was I supposed to know that it turned the other way? It wouldn't budge, dammit! I had to exert extra pressure!
ALLI
THINKS
Sure you did.
ALLI
[Nods.] Of course you did, babe.
NICK
I
hate grills. All of them. They look like little jail cells, for God's sake! And they're all ganging up on me because they've
never had to work for me before. It's a conspiracy.
ALLI
Of course it is, babe.
[The conversation
comes to a gentle halt, a halt made only for two people who are content just to be in the room with each other, even if they're
frowning. NICK stares into the grill with a perplexed expression. ALLI stares at NICK
with a perplexed expression. Even the silence seems confused.]
ALLI
Are you SURE you don't want
me to do that for you?
NICK
Stir the pasta, Al.
ALLI
[Sighs] I am stirring.
I want to know if you're sure.
NICK
I'm positive.
ALLI
Only fools are
positive.
ALLI THINKS
Only positive people who rip the knob of the base of their outdoor grill
are fools. Cute fools, maybe, but...
NICK
[Is offended. Almost.] Are you insinuating that I'm a
fool?
ALLI
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insinuate? I meant to say it straight out.
NICK
THINKS
I love you.
NICK
You annoy me sometimes, you know that?
ALLI
THINKS
I love you too.
ALLI
An eye for an eye, right?
NICK
I
thought the phrase was "Goldeneye".
ALLI
No, that's a James Bond movie.
NICK
I
was James Bond once. For Halloween.
ALLI
Really? You should've gone as a handyman instead. Would've
been a bigger surprise.
NICK
Ha. Ha. [He is not amused.]
ALLI
Um, babe?
NICK
What?
ALLI
What
exactly do you need the fork for?
NICK
Scraping off and breaking apart the coals at the bottom
of the grill.
ALLI THINKS
Oh, God. Is he really that stupid?
FORK
Scrape.
Scrape. Scrape-scrape.
ALLI THINKS
Oh, God, he really is that stupid.
ALLI
[Is
thoroughly aggravated. Kind of. Aggravated enough, at least, to abandon the pasta and make a move to rescue her stupid husband
from what will soon be the wrath of the grill. She sets down her wooden spoon and walks over to NICK and
the FORK.] Take the fork out of the grill and put the match down.
NICK
But...but...
ALLI
No
but's. [A pause while she examines her husband's butt and decides that maybe, maybe she could allow time for just one butt.
She shakes her head and refocuses on the man in front of her. She is lecturing. Lecturing, not staring, despite how much she
would love to.] Your days as a handyman are over; do you hear me? You're finished. Do not pass go. Do not collect two hundred
dollars.
NICK
I almost had it going. I know I did.
The stupid coals were just stuck.
ALLI
[Sighs. Heavily. She is exasperated and amused all at once.]
They're metal, Nick. They always have and always will exist for the sole purpose of decoration.
NICK
Only
you could come up with a phrase like that. Something like that belongs in scene description, or stage directions, or something.
[They
always have and always will exist for the sole purpose of decoration.]
ALLI
Babe?
NICK
Yeah?
ALLI
[Smiles.]
I love you.
NICK
[Smiles. Warmly.] I love you, too.
ALLI
Good. Now,
shut up and tell me where the fish is.
NICK
In the fridge, next to the lemon slices.
ALLI
Thanks.
NICK
[Pouts.]
But you're not going to grill my fish, right? Al? Grilling is a man's job, Al.
ALLI
Stir the pasta,
Nick.
[The grill springs to life, with a few flames jumping up to lick at the underside of the salmon on the wires.
Slowly, gradually, steam rises from the fish, warming the kitchen and NICK's eyes, all at once. NICK
turns to watch as ALLI squeezes a single lemon, dribbling juice along the pinkish back of his fish. His fish.
Still, he smiles. The pasta simmers, and so NICK covers the pot and moves to join ALLI.]
ALLI
I
thought I told you to stir the pasta.
NICK
You did.
ALLI
So what are
you doing?
NICK
[Holds out the new pepper shaker, pleased with his purchase and--oh, thank God--his
grocery list.] Helping you pepper the fish.
ALLI
Thanks, but it's fine. I don't need help.
NICK
I
thought we could do it together, though. You know, because we're the kind of people who pepper their fish now.
ALLI
[She
does not know what to think of the boy before her, nor does she care. She knows only that she loves him, and that that is
more than enough right here, right now.] You wanted to do it together?
NICK
I want to do everything
together.
ALLI
Tonight?
NICK
Always.
ALLI
[Smiles.]
Always. Has a nice ring to it.
FISH
[Is peppered. Together.]
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